I wouldn’t say I have ever experienced heartbreak; more like my heart has been cracked a little bit, the surface scratched but never has it ever been ‘broken’
I say I think, because how do we even define heartbreak, it’s different for every person isn’t it? And it’s not just in a relationship that you can experience heartbreak; heartbreak could come as a result of a messy end to a friendship, an awful time at school or university or your heart could break out of empathy for another or listening to too many Adele lyrics.
Heartbreak is hard to define. Heart hurt though is slightly easier.
You know that feeling inside your chest, that kind of feels like a weight or pressure within you; or like your sinking from the inside out, that is heart hurt.
I experienced this only recently when I realised that something I thought held promise, in reality, did not. And yet again, instead of being within a relationship; I found myself on the outside and heart hurt.
This will or has happened to all of us, at some point we’ve all found ourselves on the outside; somebody else getting what we want whether that be a person, a promotion or any other desirable thing.
When this happens, and we find ourselves on the outside, it is human nature to be heart hurt; in a sense that is good, because your hurt shows that you really cared about the person or thing that you now do not have, if you are heart hurt; that shows you, that whatever happened was worth it, even if it may not have ended up the way you wanted; because everything that you care about, is worth it.
When that thing you are heart hurt for slips away from you, though, what are you to do?
When something or someone that you thought had potential is not on the same page as you or when you have to take a new path instead of your intended one, what do you do? I was thinking about this recently, and I have realised, human nature is to blame ourselves.
I found myself thinking, “I should’ve held better conversations, been funnier, dressed sexier (like how do you even do that)” and I even thought the real kicker “it’s because of the wheelchair” and odds are if you were in my situation you have thought similar things too.
No promotion for you?
It must be because you aren’t friends with Susan in accounts, or maybe your heart hurting because you couldn’t find the energy to work out today; and that must be because of you, you’re not energetic enough; you need to be like that perky blonde who lives in the Bodypump classes. When our hearts are hurt, we look within that same heart and find its flaws and then we use those flaws as reasoning for why things didn’t quite work out.
However, what I have had to learn is this: things not working out, is not because of a fault in your own self or in the fault of any other circumstance or person – there is no one reason, within our person; we can point to and say, that is why.
That is why he never knew how I felt, or that is why he is now my boss. It is not your fault, things didn’t work out, the reality is that most of the time in our life; our reality is not our desired narrative, however what makes us powerful is being able to find our story; create ourselves – despite our circumstances not being what we would want.
If you do that, I promise you that one day; instead of being on the outside, you’ll be living it and that heart hurt, which you thought broke you; will have become your greatest strength.