Don’t get me wrong I LOVE BODY POSITIVITY and the body positivity movement. I love all my fitspo babes, but more recently I have been seeing posts of bikini babes and then captions heavy on the body positivity, dripping in it. As I work through my own fitness journey I cannot help but feel unmotivated, or disappointed. Am I in the wrong because I am on a mission to change my body?
The posts I am talking about are the ones with the captions that talk about their transformations or loving the thicker thighs, the photos are usually comparison posts between then and now, usually they were smaller, or more toned and now they are just as beautiful but their shape has changed. These posts are awesome, I love them, I do, but just the once.
Then they post again and again with hashtags like #BodyPositivity #Realbeauty #Selfloveclub #Pizzasistersforlife and this is where I get lost. It is constantly suggested to me that I should love my thighs, my fat, my everything.
I love my body, I loved it when I was my heaviest and I loved it when I was my best. I have a huge love for my body and for what it gives to me. My body enables me to run, to lift and to live. My body allows me to love.
Right now, however, I have a goal. I want to compete in a bikini contest. Yes, a body building contest, one where I will be judged on my body, yes, but I will also be judged on so many things. A goal I picked for myself as I wanted a mental and physical challenge. A challenge which required constant dedication.
My mission right now is to loose fat, so I can show off my muscle and I am excited by it, excited by my results, the fact I am starting to see my shoulder muscles popping a little but these Instagrams make me feel bad. Bad for wanting to lose weight, bad for wanting to even compete in such a challenge. I see these posts and I don’t feel good enough.
I still admire these girls and I get what they are doing, but yet it still makes me feel a little bit shit.
On the other side, I see the posts of total bikini babes, the thinner ones, the ones with abs who where bikinis daily, and I think about these girls too. I have taught myself not to compare, that I am on my own journey and now I support these girls and admire them.
Can there be a balance? I think so. I like to think that most of all I admire fitness babes who are just them, real, not forced. They share the pictures of them in a bikini and yes I can see the stretch marks but they don’t even mention them, they don’t even blink. I love these Instagram accounts, I strive to be like these girls. Just pure body love without having to spell it out.
Don’t get my wrong, my Instagram account isn’t perfect. Hell I use the #selfloveclub hashtag, I have the motto Do you boo, but I wondered if anyone else felt like this and surely I can’t be the only one.